Top 5 Benefits of Being a Sister Wife

Top 5 Benefits of Being a Sister Wife

I recently moved to Salt Lake City from North Carolina, so naturally I was expecting my friends to ask questions as to how I liked it out here. Instead, I got asked the following:

“How many wives do most men have there?”

“Has anyone asked you to be a sister wife?’

“Has your husband started looking for additional wives?”

Whoa, easy, folks. In answer to the first question, since about 50% of the men in this city are married, the average man has .5 of a wife (the women here are super skinny).  Second, no one has asked me to be a sister wife. (Should I be offended?)

Since I couldn’t answer for my husband, I broached the topic with him (trying to remain as un-sarcastic as possible).

Me: So now that we’re in Utah, are you going to find more wives?

Matt: Hell yeah! Hey, why don’t you ask that hot Asian girl across the hall and the cute blonde one from the pool to come be our sister wives? I’ll get the beer. Tell them to wear something skimpy.

Me: I think you’re thinking of a porno. Sister wives live here with us. All. The. Time.

Matt: Wait, you mean, they’d always be here? With all their clothes and….girl stuff? (He shuddered as if they’d be setting up a meth lab in the kitchen.)  Once he realized that he would not only have to provide for several women, but also listen to them talk about their feelings, he abandoned any fantasies that he may have had about a polygamous lifestyle.

I, on the other hand, started thinking that it might not be so bad. Here are the top five reasons that I might like to be a sister wife:

11.  Division of labor. Look, I don’t mind doing some chores, but I hate cooking, doing laundry, vacuuming…. Ok, fine! The other wives could cook and clean. I’d be the wife who did the household tech support.

22. More time to myself. If I wanted to lock myself in the bedroom and blog instead of watching the Big Bang Theory with my husband, I could. I’d only have to admire his Call of Duty skills every third night.

33. Sharing clothes. No explanation necessary.

  4. A sympathetic ear (or four). Let’s face it- men hate hearing women bitch more than Lindsey Lohan hates being told she has a substance abuse problem. If I had another woman (or two) to listen to, and sympathize with, the psychological effects of a bad hair day, my husband would order a mail order bride right now.

   5. I could get my own reality TV show…because nothing is more American than getting your 15 minutes of fame…